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Why so many houses are 'burning' all from the inside!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
This Site Is Now Not Active!
This Site Is Now Not Active.
Visit My other Sites Here - As Below:-
www.newmajid.com
www.betweenusonly.com
www.alsuleimany.com
www.majidbooks.com
www.majidsuleimany.com
www.mas-trac.com
Best Wishes and Regards,
Majid Al Suleimany
November 12th 2010.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Rising Alcoholism Syndrome!
The Oman Daily Observer of Sunday June 7th 2010,
Between Us Only!
Rising Alcoholism Syndrome!
In all my writings, and in My Books, I have tried my level best to move away from writing taboo subjects – but the coming incident confirmed to write on this one – with sincere, genuine and due apologies.
I had been to this Recreation Centre when I saw a group of young Omanis come out from the Alcohol Bulk store with carts full of the stuff – from beers to the real heavy and expensive stuff – because cartons betray what they have inside them! They looked to me as recently joined Graduates to the Company.
So the mean and evil streak in me decided to play a game with them. I asked them if they could spare me a few drinks – and I was willing to pay for them. It was already coming evening Prayer time – so one of the nicer kinder sympathetic ones offered me the address because they were having a bash and celebration from what looked similar to Gonnu to strike our Omani shores!
This shocked me to smithereens – the approach to celebrate before the storm struck – instead of going into prayers and reciting our Holy books instead – like some of us in our generation would normally do.
Just for the records, being a member of that club, I too could purchase in bulk if I had wanted – but then I am not ‘developed and progressed enough’ with my sad state of affairs of being a student in UK for three years – still single at that time – and downstairs opposite lane I used to sit and watch those indulging (including pretty young girls too!) making a fool and spectacle of themselves after awhile – and too good and decent a material to bring into my column in this esteemed newspaper! But let us put it this way – I told all to the good wife before our marriage!!
Some years ago when I was travelling to UK for my Management course, the local guy beside me pressed the distress call button just as the plane was taking off from Muscat International airport (we could even see it below us) – and the poor air hostess came running to find what was wrong? Remember The Fasten Your seatbelts sign was on! The man asked for a beer! I do not know if he was afraid to fly – or maybe taking early advantage of the limited free offer of drinks on board as travelling Economy!
The Air Hostess firmly put him in his place – though he kept the button chiming! Then when the warning seat signal was off, he said give me English beer! He mentioned a brand which even dumb and stupid me in ignorance and being backwards as a teetotaller knew was a Dutch brand – and not an English one – as in my job aspects of peers trying to impress our Western bosses that they are progressed and developed! I remember even one peer who joked to me in front of our British boss – he was a Non Believer in God though – and said it when he was even sober to us! My friend peer was teasing me – M – it is time for prayers, what are you doing still waiting here? I have had suckers and yes men in my life – but as our Indian friends say – this one had the biscuit!
I have met many people I know where families are complaining to me to write about this subject – but I am always the type of person who is a Live and Let Live type of person – but to limits – when you start to encroach on me in your superiority false outlooks – and that you know better even for me – then we have issues and problems. So long as you leave me alone, I drink my carbonated and or fresh juices with those at the party enjoying themselves – but at the same time can leave the table and go for my prayers – I am that type of person per se!
A lot of families complain of smoking and alcoholism amongst some of their family members – and sadly and tragically including the teenagers and the youth too. One of the off shots of increased road accidents and fatalities is this stuff! There is also this element of domestic and family violence as a result of alcoholism, resulting in increasing divorces, family breakdowns and social disorders.
Personally I do not believe in imposing rules and regulations – Believing in Live and Let Live – and have even a blog under such a name! However, as parents and grandparents – and as elders – we do have a prime and fundamental duty to lead by examples – and advice, counsel and caution the youth to protect and preserve our heritage, customs, traditions, values and culture as a people – and the teachings and practices of our religion – and even if to be in moderation when going flexible and accommodating!
I remember this incident very well after my father had expired – and I was receiving condolences in my villa in Qurum. They wanted some juice – and unfortunately I had left only apple juice! Soon after a while, my uncle from the village came to me and started yelling and shouting to me – how could you? And my uncle in Muscat cut him short – and said you must have got your facts twisted and intertwined – because I was accused of offering beer to them! My town uncle said very emphatically and strongly – I do not know about the others, but I can guarantee on my life that this son of Late Said NEVER DRINKS the stuff!
That is confidence for you!
Incidentally Happy Birthday me! Take Care!
By Majid Said Nasser Al Suleimany
My Father's Son!
My Father’s Son!
(Or But I Told Your Mother….!)
A TRUE STORY!
Go on in and greet your Father – the boy’s mother prompted the son. It is Eid Day and it is in our customs, tradition and heritage to visit and greet parents and the elders on this auspicious day. Go on in – the Mother prompted the son again. The 12-year-old boy looked frightened and scared. He had matured too fast for a boy of his age. Life was a great teacher and learner; it makes you older and practical as it teaches you on.
The mother looked at the entrance of the newly built villa. There were almost two new European top model cars she could see as she came in with her old beat up Japanese car she had driven all the way from Muscat to the Interior hometown. She could see a lot of new shoes at the Majlis entrance, smaller sized shoes belonging surely to the younger men. They must belong to the man’s sons from the elder wife. The man was not that rich, but he had a large house and farm – and some shops too.
As the boy entered the room, he could see his elder brothers from the elder mother looking at him and whimsically whispering to themselves. They looked like poking fun and mirth at him. One was whispering at the father’s ear. The father shook his head and glared at the boy as if he did not like what was being whispered to him. The father smiled to the entering boy, he got up and urged the boy to come in. Instead of this encouraging the boy, this action of the man seemed to scare and daunt him all the more! But move to the father he did. He kissed his father’s hand in greetings. He also kissed his father’s head in finality.
The father made a signal to the boy sitting near him. Move a bit and let your younger brother sit here. The boy moved reluctantly, he did not want to move from the favourite position and to let especially the new son in the family take his place. But he had to abide to his father’s wish and he did not want to be blamed as the one who had started and had made a scene. After all, this was Eid day – and a day for happiness, festivities and celebrating occasion.
So tell me – the father asked. Did you come alone? Who came with you? Did you come with your mother? Is she waiting outside – the man was answering his own questions. A tray of sweets and halwa was brought in front of the boy. He wanted to scream – but I have not had yet breakfast father! How do you expect me to eat halwa before having breakfast? He kept it all in – he too did not want to create a scene. Besides, perhaps this was the custom in the interior, and not in Muscat.
He did not want the rest of hem to jest and mock him and his mother again – especially the mother just because her Arabic was not good having been born in Zanzibar. I am going to show them the boy had made an early promise to himself. I will speak very good Arabic and impress my father too. At least I speak very good English and some French too – compared to my elder brothers and sisters from my elder mother. When he used to say this to his mother, he used to make her cry uncontrollably and profusely – he still did not know why. All he wanted was to assure her, and hold her head high and let no one – even if it was the family, she got married to – humble her and bring her down and depress her again.
The father felt what the boy was feeling. So smiling all he could, he whispered to the boy. Did you have breakfast? The son nodded negatively. The man bellowed out – What is this? Bring breakfast for my son. No sweets and halwa till later on! The other boys looked at themselves in bewilderment at the stress of the word my son. Are we not his sons too – they asked themselves?
The visiting boy started to feel now comfortable with his father. He remembered what his father had told him – I want you to adhere and respect me – not to be scared and be afraid of me. I want you to treat me as a friend, you can talk to and tell me if there is anything that scares and worries you. OK – do we have an understanding and agreement here Son? Promise me – will you?. You must let no one make you scared, afraid or feel small. Remember you are the son of who? OK, son? Let no one ask or use you to ask favours from me. They will try to befriend you for their own selfish reasons and interests. But remember you are my son always!
The boy wants to remind the father of the promise to him by the old man. But he looked around him. All his brothers and cousins were well dressed in their new dishdashas and msaars (turbans). He remembered seeing all those new shoes outside. His mother was dressing him in that old dishdasha. It was the newest of the old lot. He told his mother – Mother do not cry. One day I will grow up and find a good job. I will look after you mother – I promise. Instead of assuring the mother, this made her cry all the more.
And I will show daddy for ignoring and forgetting about us. I will show him, Mother. I will work hard, save and have lots of money. I promise you. But I will never forget or forgive what dad had done and not remembered us – even on this Eid day. Mother, I promise. He did not give you money to buy any new clothes – even for Eid!
No, no the mother persisted. Sometimes I too do not understand your father. He is a very good man. After all, he is my first cousin too. Our great grandfather is the same man from Manah in Nizwa region. You must not blame your father. He is a very good, kind gentle man – but he listens to the wrong people who advise him wrongly. That is his problem. Otherwise, there is or there should be no problems between us – I assure you son.
The breakfast had brought him back his spirits and courage. So he asked the father, father tell me. You know my mother only works in the oil company as a clerk. She has also to pay rent, put food on the table and do so many things. You know father, no? Then how come – the boy had finally the courage to ask – you did not give us any money for Eid – but you did for my elder brothers and sisters? Don’t we also deserve your care and attention – me, my younger sister and my mother?
You see dad, the boy finally let it out – my mother could not even afford to buy me a new dishdasha. She does not have the money to do so. Are we not your family too? Why only them, and not us too? But I told your mother to buy you a new dishdasha, the father insisted lamely – I told her. I am surprised that she did not. After all, she can afford it – she is working in a good paying job in that oil old company. I have to look after your other brothers and sisters – their mother is not working like your mother.
The boy looked again at the father. The urge to get out and make a scene was getting stronger by the minute. He wanted to shout out – Do you know how much money my Mother earns? I will take my mother from here and you will not see us again. He then remembered and reconciled to himself – he was still 12 and he could not drive back to Muscat. Besides, even if he had urged and persuaded his mother she will not listen to him. That is how she had ended up as the doormat to his father. And his father knew too – and there is nothing he could do about it. At least for now for sure.
As if reading his mind, the father was giving a queer strange look at the son. He the son said nothing more to the father. The father said nothing to the boy. It seemed a hidden communication and telepathy had set in. Not to say anything more to each other. His elder brother from the elder Mother touched his old dishdasha - teased him – your Mother saving again for her folks in Africa? Again what happened last time. Till the next time that is – till next Eid again!. He looked forward for the day to end, so he could return with his Mother to Muscat.
Are You Our Mother?
Are You Our Mother?
The door bell rang continuously and incessantly. Trust these things to happen always to you in more than one of the ten cases, as soon as you enter the shower or bath the bell would ring! These are one of the unexplainable things in life, it never rings before you get into the bath or shower, nor soon after you have finished! The person who was ringing the bell must be desperate, or he or she just wanted to make a nuisance of oneself. Some have this bad nasty habit – they will keep the bell pressed till the door is opened or they will let the phone ring on and on till someone answers it. It is okay if it is at home, but at the office too?
Tried to ignore it or let it ring, so what! Ring! Ring! Simply she had to get out of the shower and open the door. She was about to give the person outside ‘a piece of her mind’ when she saw who was ringing the bell – and that made her winch with shame and guilt. The girl was hardly twelve, but she looked tired, worn out and much older. Life’s experiences and troubles makes one mature fast – and get older quicker too in the process. She was clutching the hand of what looked like her younger brother – hardly five or six himself.
The girl was very polite. I am sorry to take you out of your bath – but we are new here. We come from the village from the Interior. We are afraid we may have got lost. Our mother is waiting in the car with our uncle some blocks from here – and we had to cross the street to come here. I am sorry – the girl apologised again. Looked sad and distraught with her sad big innocent almost crying eyes. All the time she was holding tight the hand of his brother – as if he would run away and play truant – and put her in great trouble with her mother.
So what can I do for you? - The wet dripping woman in her big white towel asked. I am sorry – the girl said again – she was trying her best to be understood in her broken poor English. Do you speak Arabic – the girl finally implored the woman. The woman looked young – she must be in her early thirties. Looked like the age of her eldest sister or like her young aunty. No, our mother told us not to get into the house. Can you get our father for us? No, I do not speak Arabic – I come from a non-Arabic speaking country. Sorry! But I understand you – go ahead- the woman calmly said.
Your father? - The woman quizzed, puzzled and confused. Your father? She repeated herself the question. Are you sure you came to the right house, my dears? With the word dears, the girl started to cry! The young brother consoled and comforted. Do not cry sister, lets be brave and courageous, sis! I do not understand – the woman implored – what is this all about, and why are you poor girl crying? Tell me dear – why are you crying? What is wrong?
Are you my new mother? - The girl finally had the courage to ask. Are you my new mother? Is our father here? And who is your father? - The woman asked the girl. My father is *RAR – he is our father! We want to see our father – we want to talk to him and ask him some questions. We want him to answer us! It is a family thing – we want to talk and ask questions to our father – please!
Your father is * RAR? How is that possible? He told me he did not have any young children. Are you sure RAR is your father? You are not trying to hoodwink me with your scam? The girl cried again – this time loudly and profusely. There, there, the woman comforted her – please, please do not cry! You are also making me cry, see? And the woman was crying with the girl together. She could not control herself – the shock, the anguish and the pain – all of a sudden too - that was too much. She did not want to hurt anyone – especially these poor innocent young children at her door. She had never wanted or dreamed to become in her life as a second wife. Her fears were now haunting her!
Our father – the boy was now speaking – finally. He had left us at home in the village. He does not come home in the weekend any more; he spends all his time in the town now with you. Are you our new mother? Yes – the woman said – but I did not know your father had young children. He told me that all his children were grown up and had left the cuckoo’s nest. Our father does not look after us anymore – he does not like us anymore. Do we have another small baby brother or sister? You know mother – the boy calmly said – we have not even food in the house. Our mother is sick, and cannot work. Only our aunties and uncles are looking after us – but our mother is proud, she wants dad to be responsible for us. Not others!
No, I have no baby – the woman responded. And I do not think I ever will with him anyway – with the way he has treated you. No way! I am returning home – this man tells too many lies. I am sorry – please forgive me. No, no – it is not your fault – both the children said together. It is not your fault. It is our father who is at wrong – not you. We do not mind him marrying you – but why has he forgotten us completely? Why? Did we do anything wrong?
What is this? - The man said as he entered the house – who brought you here? The children were drinking hot milk with some cakes and biscuits. They looked hungry – as if they have not had some food for quite some time. Hello Dear – the man said to the wife – Do not dear me! - The woman was shouting and screaming at the top of her voice – you always tell lies and fibs RAR. You are never to be trusted! You always let down peoples! I want nothing more to do with you now! Please get me my ticket – I am going home! I want my divorce – the woman screamed and threw things around at the place and at the direction of the man. You always have lied to me – the woman screamed again at the top of her voice.
See what you have done – the father reprimanded the children. Your mother is at the bottom of this again! She never wants me to be happy; I deserve some happiness in my life, at least now. The children were cowering – their own mother never did these things to their father ever before. And they had never seen their father ever so angry before! He looked so distant and sad – tired and worn out.
The bell rang again incessantly. Nobody bothered. The boy got some courage and got up to open the door, with all the going-on around the place. It was his mother and uncle at the door!! They were tired waiting outside. As the boy had feared, a bigger scene was now coming into the place!
All Hell was going to be let loose now!
The Secret Marriage!
THE NEW WIFE!
Or
The Marriage In Secret!
A TRUE STORY!!!
He was reading this newspaper, when this angelic voice he used to remember called him up.
Only angels do not cry on the phone. It was the lady she knew calling him to tell him that after a rancorous and bitter feud, her husband had declared that he was divorcing her and that she was no longer his wife. She cried to him – what can I do? To be divorced at this age? And the children too, especially the one who was very close to the father. She stopped eating, and her grades in school were falling down badly. She had suddenly developed a nasty and mean streak and a very bad and furious temper too. To make it worse, the poor girl was blaming the Mother for the break up. You never paid attention or care to dad, most of the time he would be alone in the TV room watching news and documentaries, whilst the rest of us looked at the soap operas, and without a care or feeling for him.
When he returned from Office, only I ran to say hello to him and welcome him home, the rest of you were glued to the so-called-live-shows showing men and women living together in quarters, and how they behaved to each other. Sad too that it were all home peoples and the show was being shown live to millions in the region. If a curt response to his greeting as he entered the hose being made by the rest of you, then he was lucky. It was always the housemaid who made the food for him, and made it warm when he came in. Including that tea he usually liked after his meals.
Mum, the girl added, even if you were making tea, you never asked him if he wanted some too, and when he asked for some, you told the house maid to do it for him, why not you. The worst part was when we came to the house with ordered food from outside, and not only we did not ask him what he wanted, but ate in front of him the food as if he did not exist. It was only him and the housemaid who ate the home cooked food, whilst the rest of us plunged ourselves in different dishes day by day ordered outside, and when he asked – what about me? What did you reply? All that food in the house and you want to order outside too? Who will eat the cooked food then (you of course and your house maid)? Was not that sending him away into another woman’s arms (and hugs!), by what you did to him, Mummy? Eh, Mummy? Child – shut up – the mother reprimanded. Still that was no excuse for him to go off and marry that young lass, just the age of his eldest daughter.
Is he not ashamed of himself? What does he think he is doing? Has he suddenly become that young and virile again for new adventures? Mum, the girl protested, that is my dad you are talking about, and you are embarrassing us. See the Mother said, there was no excuse for what he did, and he marrying in secret. It was only I was looking for the copy of the car registration, and I found the car closet closed. When I took his car keys and opened it, I got the biggest shock of my life to see the marriage certificate (of his marriage in secret to the young lass) and can you believe your uncle was a witness, and he said nothing. And all these things happened six months ago?
I had seen the secret wedded wife, and she looked pregnant and with a wedding finger in her hand. When I asked her who she got married to, now I understand now how she had changed all the colours of the rainbow – just replying Aunty you would not recognize him, even if I told you who he was! And calling me Aunty too – the cheek and audacity of it all.
The young wedded in secret girl recalled what his father from the Interior had told her – Daughter, you are going to start a new job now in the city after your graduation from the University. You seem too much excited about your new boss, and you say that he is the best gentleman you have ever met, nice and friendly and very helpful. Daughter, you worry me – dad says. I think you are getting infatuated with this new boss of yours. Come on – the daughter protested – be serious. He is just your age, what do you take me for? Anyway daughter, the father cuts in, if he is interested in you and you in him, then I give my blessings to wed in secret, it is damage control and better this way, then to have illicit and not legal affairs with him. All I ask is to see the official wedding certificate, which is all I ask. The dowry is not important, nor are the celebrations, and the fewer peoples know about it, the better for all.
It was too months ago before the divorce, when ‘the friend and confidante’ had told her that ‘hubby had married in secret’ and the lass was a village girl working in his place, and that is the reason he had left the place, because wife and hubby working in one place was not on, especially he who was supposed to monitor the rules, regulations and policies of the place. It had started with simple small SMS messages and the last one before things ‘got hot’ was she said – Sir, I am looking forward to work under you. You are the best boss in the world, a First Class gentleman and I am very happy to have met and known you. So he teased her back. She teases back. Teases became serious stuff. Soon they were meeting in secret, and he telling her how unhappy he was with ‘my wife and life’.
Then he suddenly went cold. He felt guilty that he was cheating on his wife and family, though all he did was just a few small pecks and holding hands. That cannot be cheating, the voice inside him said, just holding hands – be serious man! The girl had cried, why are turning away from me, you are breaking my hurt. What have I done wrong, please tell me so I can correct myself, and please tell me. PLEASE.
You are too young to understand. A few years from now you will be tired of ‘this fancy toy’ and look for something better to toy around with. No, she protested, I do not care. I love you (that is it, the word and others to follow soon came out. I love you. I am ready to be yours for ever, but please keep it secret between us two only. A week later the marriage took place. Far months later, the divorce also took place.
The first wife insisted either her or me – you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You must choose between us. Remember your children? Yes, he replied, but she is 6 months pregnant already, and with my child. How do you know it is your wife? Can you still do it? I do not think. That was the last straw. The straw that broke the camel’s back. The words that came out he never thought he will ever say, but he uttered them just the same.
He had made his choice, even if it was forced on him!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Why This Site?
Why This Site?
This article was written in My Column - Between Us Only! of June 18th 2003 - 7 years ago! Also is in My Books - Between Us Only Series (Original, Short Takes and The Sequel)....
Please visit www.majidbooks.com for more information and details.
The reason I put up this blog is to ask this question - have things changed? For the good or worse off?
We need to deep self analyse and soul search ourselves more ....
Take Care - and look after your marriage .... and your Family....
This article was written in My Column - Between Us Only! of June 18th 2003 - 7 years ago! Also is in My Books - Between Us Only Series (Original, Short Takes and The Sequel)....
Please visit www.majidbooks.com for more information and details.
The reason I put up this blog is to ask this question - have things changed? For the good or worse off?
We need to deep self analyse and soul search ourselves more ....
Take Care - and look after your marriage .... and your Family....
Hurtful, Cruel & Mean Words!
Hurtful, Cruel & Mean Words!
(ORIGINAL)
There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!
So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be possible, natural and possible”?
***
There is no married life without bliss, quarrels and fights. It is not only in such relationships, but also between friends, family and relatives for that matter too. Sometimes even high up the pedestals between communities and nations too. It may take years and years of toil, hardship. Forbearance and creation to build very solid and formidable relationships – but only a few seconds in hurtful, vengeful and painful words to destroy that.
Most important is - do not let your brain tell your mouth what to speak, and then you speak it! Once said it cannot be taken back. Do you know that the most hurtful and painful things one can say against another are between peoples who are supposed to be very near and close to you? Think for a moment – who knows you best? Isn’t that your own spouse, best friend or relative – the closer the more worse? Outsiders don’t know you that close. Outside peoples always see an angel and nice things only in you – ‘butter would not melt in your mouth type’! Only those close or near you know you better, for the real and mantle you! Heard the phrase – familiarity breeds contempt?
One person it is said had asked our Great Prophet (PBUH) – Oh Great Prophet, what should I do to have peoples respect and esteem me a lot? He was told – do not ask anything (favours) from anyone! Do you notice what is the difference between us and God (whichever denomination). The more you ask from man, the more you lose respect, like and esteem. With God it is different, the more you ask of God – the more He likes it that man is asking from Him. True too, isn’t it dear Reader?
When I was a younger man, I know of one couple that was married for more than 12 years. There was not even one word said in anger fury or disappointment between them. The man admitted he was very happy with his wife, the wife with her husband. So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be natural and possible”. It seemed she needed to express herself a bit now and then, but was denied the chance and opportunity by the ‘hen pecked doting’ husband!
There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!
Sometimes when things get out of control, they end up in divorce. On the subject, I asked a Muslim Scholar friend of mine. I said – K, please tell me this, or clarify it for me! Why is it in our Religion that the man can divorce his wife that easily, but for the wife she has to request to be divorced, and the husband has to agree.
If he does not agree, than there have to be others to be involved. But none are required if he decided Instead?). The good man replied – because women are known for their temperaments, their ups and downs (related to their genes and body). The good man then asked me – don’t you think, if they were allowed to do so, that most men would have been divorced, some several times too? I could not find any reason to argue with him. Besides, you certainly do not argue these delicate sensitive things in Religion.
With the latest technologies and innovation, it is not only speaking but even writings too. Simply do not answer an E-Mail when you are angry and furious, however infuriating, disappointing and annoying one is received by you from anyone, especially job related at work. E-Mails are simply like spoken words, once you have spoken them, it is too late to take them back. They have gone to the ears of that other person!
Nowadays if I am annoyed by an E-Mail, I take time to cool down. If I must reply, I reply it – first I make SURE that I will not send it. I may type my angry retort, and then be SURE to delete it!. Or I write my response in another place, and then destroy that paper. Try it – actually it will make you relieved, and give you time for a more reasoned approach! The old days of being quick to the button retorts had put me in a lot of troubles – it is best avoided. Do not forget and can be said against you – you are a Professional, supposed to serve and to know better too!.
So next time you fight with your hubby, or he has annoyed you, do not let what you really think of him go into your head, and tell him exactly what you think of him. That goes to you too man to wife, or to friend, or anyone else for that matter. Can you believe that these kind of words have been heard to be uttered between peoples supposed to be one, let alone between enemies or adversaries (compiled from various sources!):-
• Sometimes you behave like a prostitute, the way you are after money (things)!
• I have always suspected you to be a gay (homosexual, lesbian, crook, thief etc) person!
• I saw your ex fiancée (supposed to get married to) today with his new find, how long before he dumps her like he did to you?
• From day one, you had never been committed to this marriage (or had ever liked me).
• I should have NEVER married you or even let our paths cross.
• I wish I was dead, so I was free from you.
• My father is right, he knew you to be what you really are, the good man.
• Why did I ever get married to such a poor loafer like you?
• You are very stingy and misery with our family, but not with your Mother etc..
• Everyone is invited to the party but not you. Nobody likes even to see your ugly face now.
• You never take me out till I force you, and that has to be after a BIG fight too.
• Act and behave like a real he-man (not like a lady).
• What is the difference between you and your Mother – you are both cheap easy going stuff – like Mother like daughter.
• Like Father Like son, you are both number one crooks and not to be trusted.
• You are a great actress, as if butter will not melt on your mouth.
• If I had married XYZ, where would I be today!
• Your mother (or father, brother, sister etc) again wants favours from me!
• Your drunkard alcoholic uncle (or whatever) took some more money from me today to buy more drinks, drugs etc. He wanted 20 Rials, I gave him 5 only.
• The children are crazy etc. because they take it from you and your family side.
• Your parents (or children) think you are an angel, they do not know about ….. (Secret only you two know)!
• There again your Freeloader relative has come to the house uninvited!
• Who invited them for dinner, they just drop in like it is a Free Soup Serving Place!
• Next time your relatives break (spoil) anything, I shall ask them to pay!
• No, I have a headache (just do not want or feel like it).
• Worse still – I shall find it outside, if you keep saying No!
• Your mouth (or body) smells awful.
• I don’t have any money (why should I help you?)
• Your family is coming for dinner, you better take them out (or order) dinner. I am not cooking anything for them, they always find faults in my cooking (never appreciate).
• My first (wife or husband) was a real person (man), not like you …!
• Worse still – I do not like the way you are doing this to me …! (It does give a connotation of comparing!)
• One of these days I shall pack my bags and just disappear (or something else that you will do)!
• Why don’t you drop dead, so at least there is peace in the house.
• Go and -the F word – yourself.
• For heavens sake do not involve the children in this!
• I feel like leaving this marriage now for good, I am really tired – cannot take this anymore!
• So many other hurtful, painful words once said cannot be withdrawn! Sow so shall you reap, it has been said so many times – but who listens? Or what goes around, comes around – for that matter too!
So next time you have a fight, do not let that evilness and ugliness that is within us all tell you or dictate you what to say. Or don’t open your mouth and say what you are thinking – for Heavens sake! Once said it cannot be taken back or be withdrawn. The Americans and Brits say count to 10 first. I say count to 20 at least!
……. End ……
(ORIGINAL)
There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!
So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be possible, natural and possible”?
***
There is no married life without bliss, quarrels and fights. It is not only in such relationships, but also between friends, family and relatives for that matter too. Sometimes even high up the pedestals between communities and nations too. It may take years and years of toil, hardship. Forbearance and creation to build very solid and formidable relationships – but only a few seconds in hurtful, vengeful and painful words to destroy that.
Most important is - do not let your brain tell your mouth what to speak, and then you speak it! Once said it cannot be taken back. Do you know that the most hurtful and painful things one can say against another are between peoples who are supposed to be very near and close to you? Think for a moment – who knows you best? Isn’t that your own spouse, best friend or relative – the closer the more worse? Outsiders don’t know you that close. Outside peoples always see an angel and nice things only in you – ‘butter would not melt in your mouth type’! Only those close or near you know you better, for the real and mantle you! Heard the phrase – familiarity breeds contempt?
One person it is said had asked our Great Prophet (PBUH) – Oh Great Prophet, what should I do to have peoples respect and esteem me a lot? He was told – do not ask anything (favours) from anyone! Do you notice what is the difference between us and God (whichever denomination). The more you ask from man, the more you lose respect, like and esteem. With God it is different, the more you ask of God – the more He likes it that man is asking from Him. True too, isn’t it dear Reader?
When I was a younger man, I know of one couple that was married for more than 12 years. There was not even one word said in anger fury or disappointment between them. The man admitted he was very happy with his wife, the wife with her husband. So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be natural and possible”. It seemed she needed to express herself a bit now and then, but was denied the chance and opportunity by the ‘hen pecked doting’ husband!
There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!
Sometimes when things get out of control, they end up in divorce. On the subject, I asked a Muslim Scholar friend of mine. I said – K, please tell me this, or clarify it for me! Why is it in our Religion that the man can divorce his wife that easily, but for the wife she has to request to be divorced, and the husband has to agree.
If he does not agree, than there have to be others to be involved. But none are required if he decided Instead?). The good man replied – because women are known for their temperaments, their ups and downs (related to their genes and body). The good man then asked me – don’t you think, if they were allowed to do so, that most men would have been divorced, some several times too? I could not find any reason to argue with him. Besides, you certainly do not argue these delicate sensitive things in Religion.
With the latest technologies and innovation, it is not only speaking but even writings too. Simply do not answer an E-Mail when you are angry and furious, however infuriating, disappointing and annoying one is received by you from anyone, especially job related at work. E-Mails are simply like spoken words, once you have spoken them, it is too late to take them back. They have gone to the ears of that other person!
Nowadays if I am annoyed by an E-Mail, I take time to cool down. If I must reply, I reply it – first I make SURE that I will not send it. I may type my angry retort, and then be SURE to delete it!. Or I write my response in another place, and then destroy that paper. Try it – actually it will make you relieved, and give you time for a more reasoned approach! The old days of being quick to the button retorts had put me in a lot of troubles – it is best avoided. Do not forget and can be said against you – you are a Professional, supposed to serve and to know better too!.
So next time you fight with your hubby, or he has annoyed you, do not let what you really think of him go into your head, and tell him exactly what you think of him. That goes to you too man to wife, or to friend, or anyone else for that matter. Can you believe that these kind of words have been heard to be uttered between peoples supposed to be one, let alone between enemies or adversaries (compiled from various sources!):-
• Sometimes you behave like a prostitute, the way you are after money (things)!
• I have always suspected you to be a gay (homosexual, lesbian, crook, thief etc) person!
• I saw your ex fiancée (supposed to get married to) today with his new find, how long before he dumps her like he did to you?
• From day one, you had never been committed to this marriage (or had ever liked me).
• I should have NEVER married you or even let our paths cross.
• I wish I was dead, so I was free from you.
• My father is right, he knew you to be what you really are, the good man.
• Why did I ever get married to such a poor loafer like you?
• You are very stingy and misery with our family, but not with your Mother etc..
• Everyone is invited to the party but not you. Nobody likes even to see your ugly face now.
• You never take me out till I force you, and that has to be after a BIG fight too.
• Act and behave like a real he-man (not like a lady).
• What is the difference between you and your Mother – you are both cheap easy going stuff – like Mother like daughter.
• Like Father Like son, you are both number one crooks and not to be trusted.
• You are a great actress, as if butter will not melt on your mouth.
• If I had married XYZ, where would I be today!
• Your mother (or father, brother, sister etc) again wants favours from me!
• Your drunkard alcoholic uncle (or whatever) took some more money from me today to buy more drinks, drugs etc. He wanted 20 Rials, I gave him 5 only.
• The children are crazy etc. because they take it from you and your family side.
• Your parents (or children) think you are an angel, they do not know about ….. (Secret only you two know)!
• There again your Freeloader relative has come to the house uninvited!
• Who invited them for dinner, they just drop in like it is a Free Soup Serving Place!
• Next time your relatives break (spoil) anything, I shall ask them to pay!
• No, I have a headache (just do not want or feel like it).
• Worse still – I shall find it outside, if you keep saying No!
• Your mouth (or body) smells awful.
• I don’t have any money (why should I help you?)
• Your family is coming for dinner, you better take them out (or order) dinner. I am not cooking anything for them, they always find faults in my cooking (never appreciate).
• My first (wife or husband) was a real person (man), not like you …!
• Worse still – I do not like the way you are doing this to me …! (It does give a connotation of comparing!)
• One of these days I shall pack my bags and just disappear (or something else that you will do)!
• Why don’t you drop dead, so at least there is peace in the house.
• Go and -the F word – yourself.
• For heavens sake do not involve the children in this!
• I feel like leaving this marriage now for good, I am really tired – cannot take this anymore!
• So many other hurtful, painful words once said cannot be withdrawn! Sow so shall you reap, it has been said so many times – but who listens? Or what goes around, comes around – for that matter too!
So next time you have a fight, do not let that evilness and ugliness that is within us all tell you or dictate you what to say. Or don’t open your mouth and say what you are thinking – for Heavens sake! Once said it cannot be taken back or be withdrawn. The Americans and Brits say count to 10 first. I say count to 20 at least!
……. End ……
Secret Marriages!
APPEARED IN THE OMAN DAILY OBSERVER DATED JANUARY 17th 2007 (TODAY WEDNESDAY).
BETWEEN US ONLY!.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE!
The young wedded in secret girl recalled what her father from the Interior had told her – Be very careful my dear daughter. You are going there into a world there full of hypocrites and bad peoples – a jungle - and it is infested and full of shark and wolves. But happened it still did! It had all started with a simple small SMS message and the last one before things ‘got hot’ was when she had said it to him (the Boss) – Sir, I am looking forward to work under you. You are the best boss in the world, a First Class gentleman and I am very happy to have met and known you. So he teased her back – what do you mean working under me? She teases back. He reciprocates! Soon teases, flirts and jokes become serious stuff. Soon they were meeting in secret, and he was telling her how unhappy he was with ‘my wife and life’.
Then he suddenly went cold. He felt guilty that he was cheating on his wife and family, though all he did was just a few small pecks, hugs and holding hands. That cannot be cheating, the voice inside him said, just holding hands? – be serious man! The girl had cried - why are turning away from me, you are breaking my heart! What have I done wrong? Please tell me so I can correct myself, and please tell me. PLEASE. It is unfair – you are hurting me, and I love you? It raised his male ego, he felt great and elated. This young girl age of my daughter in love with me? I might still have it – he prided himself!
But he wants to remain strong, he must do it. He says to her – you are too young to understand. This is a passing phenomenon – you just think you are in love. The idea and notion of being in love is what is moving you! A few years from now you will be tired of ‘this fancy toy’ and look for something better and younger to toy around with. No, she protested, I do not care. I hate these young boys; they are all dull, empty and artificial. I really do love you (that is it, the word and others to follow soon came out. I love you. I am ready to be yours for ever, but please keep it secret between us two only).
The girl cries uncontrollably, highly charged and depressed. He breaks down. Heard of an elder man cry? Shame on you, the elders would have said to him. Shame that you a man can cry – for a silly simple thing. And what is love? I married your Mother, and I met her first time on the wedding night? Did we go wrong? Tell me! Besides - you are a man. Men just do not cry. But cry he did! A week later the marriage took place. Four months later, the divorce also took place. The first wife had found out and insisted - either her or me – you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You must choose between us. And choose he did, ending in divorce to his wife of more than 25 years.
***
Fantasy story or real? Take your pick. Anyway, the above titled song (Here Comes The Bride) has always moved me, it best describes and depicts a wedding ceremony for me and representing the Marriage Institution.
It is one year ago that I had written on the same similar topic and nothing has changed much nowadays except sliding downwards to the worst with second (secret) liaisons and marriages to the ‘younger lasses’ especially becoming ‘the rage of town’ and the new-in thing , the new latest fashion and trends. Coincidentally, incidentally and inadvertently the first time (young and new) marriages breaking up after a few months only. To the extent that those with younger sisters and daughters like us are scared to the most as to where and which direction that proposed or already just made marriages will be directed or moved to. You would think that marrying into rich and or famous families would do the trick, but your views are just as good as mine.
The side effects of all these secret marriages and liaisons are leading those already long married and just made grandparents also take the short cuts to separations and divorces, and they are on the increases. You would be excused to think that Scud Missiles are falling down hard on the respectable well established honoured esteemed and founded marriage institution amongst our midst. Divorces and separations are increasing to the levels that almost 2 to 3 marriages amongst younger peoples end in the first two years of their wedding anniversaries. The situation is not only local, but deemed to be even worse in neighbouring countries for that matter.
There are many instances of marriages breaking after only a few months, and that becomes after the ‘shock and awe’ that you have taken in and analysed that that person you thought you knew well and understood is quite a different person ‘in reality in real life in marriage’ – and you must have lost your faculties and mind to even to have gone to propose or to accept that proposal!
Do we need an excuse to justify this rot, malaise, decay and decadence? Do we want to attribute it to the new beamed in ‘satellite dishes’ with ‘it is ok to go for something new exciting and fanciful’ and if you are caught so what? Let it be, you are not alone and it is being done by so many others, so it does not matter anymore syndromes! Or it is the chase of the game that is all exciting fun thrilling invigorating and stimulating experiences and escapades. Fun and games. Raising the adrenaline levels in the hunt and chase and being hunted and being chased syndromes!
It is just okay and the in-fun things everyone is doing it’…… or other excuses we may want to find. Or you have bills and expenses to make, and there is a ‘sugar-daddy’ or ‘sugar-mummy’ around to provide, and lack of morals, principles and ethics ….shameful decadent betrayals destruction of the great marriage institution long set by our forefathers, highly respected, esteemed, followed and honoured and respected ….and being honest, sincere, faithful, true, genuine in relationships attitudes behaviours perseverance protection and pursuits are all alien and old fashioned too?
Sometimes it is just the thoughts ideas and suggestions being hinted at or thrown to us by signals or body signs that sets off the evil in us many, and the biggest culprits in all these are in the Office Environment. If you had read my article ‘Office Politics’ you will know what I mean here.
Like I had said so many times before and even I am tired of saying it again – the dividing line between good and bad is sometimes so thin, that you might have inadvertently have crossed it without even knowing it.
Before you decide to go into an escapade, just do not think of yourself alone but those who look up at you and trust and whom you are going to hurt and destroy in the process. Plus losing your own standing respect and integrity – to say the very least. And young lasses – stay back – watch it - stick to your own kind. If he can betray his own wife after so many years, he sure can do the same to you one day! And you know sometimes in these things you may have to make the subtle suggestion and move – the first move - or be more receptive than just to play hard to get stuff, as the new boys are more ‘girlish’ and the girls nowadays more ‘manly and bullish’.
By:-
Majid Said Nasser Al Suleimany
BETWEEN US ONLY!.
HERE COMES THE BRIDE!
The young wedded in secret girl recalled what her father from the Interior had told her – Be very careful my dear daughter. You are going there into a world there full of hypocrites and bad peoples – a jungle - and it is infested and full of shark and wolves. But happened it still did! It had all started with a simple small SMS message and the last one before things ‘got hot’ was when she had said it to him (the Boss) – Sir, I am looking forward to work under you. You are the best boss in the world, a First Class gentleman and I am very happy to have met and known you. So he teased her back – what do you mean working under me? She teases back. He reciprocates! Soon teases, flirts and jokes become serious stuff. Soon they were meeting in secret, and he was telling her how unhappy he was with ‘my wife and life’.
Then he suddenly went cold. He felt guilty that he was cheating on his wife and family, though all he did was just a few small pecks, hugs and holding hands. That cannot be cheating, the voice inside him said, just holding hands? – be serious man! The girl had cried - why are turning away from me, you are breaking my heart! What have I done wrong? Please tell me so I can correct myself, and please tell me. PLEASE. It is unfair – you are hurting me, and I love you? It raised his male ego, he felt great and elated. This young girl age of my daughter in love with me? I might still have it – he prided himself!
But he wants to remain strong, he must do it. He says to her – you are too young to understand. This is a passing phenomenon – you just think you are in love. The idea and notion of being in love is what is moving you! A few years from now you will be tired of ‘this fancy toy’ and look for something better and younger to toy around with. No, she protested, I do not care. I hate these young boys; they are all dull, empty and artificial. I really do love you (that is it, the word and others to follow soon came out. I love you. I am ready to be yours for ever, but please keep it secret between us two only).
The girl cries uncontrollably, highly charged and depressed. He breaks down. Heard of an elder man cry? Shame on you, the elders would have said to him. Shame that you a man can cry – for a silly simple thing. And what is love? I married your Mother, and I met her first time on the wedding night? Did we go wrong? Tell me! Besides - you are a man. Men just do not cry. But cry he did! A week later the marriage took place. Four months later, the divorce also took place. The first wife had found out and insisted - either her or me – you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You must choose between us. And choose he did, ending in divorce to his wife of more than 25 years.
***
Fantasy story or real? Take your pick. Anyway, the above titled song (Here Comes The Bride) has always moved me, it best describes and depicts a wedding ceremony for me and representing the Marriage Institution.
It is one year ago that I had written on the same similar topic and nothing has changed much nowadays except sliding downwards to the worst with second (secret) liaisons and marriages to the ‘younger lasses’ especially becoming ‘the rage of town’ and the new-in thing , the new latest fashion and trends. Coincidentally, incidentally and inadvertently the first time (young and new) marriages breaking up after a few months only. To the extent that those with younger sisters and daughters like us are scared to the most as to where and which direction that proposed or already just made marriages will be directed or moved to. You would think that marrying into rich and or famous families would do the trick, but your views are just as good as mine.
The side effects of all these secret marriages and liaisons are leading those already long married and just made grandparents also take the short cuts to separations and divorces, and they are on the increases. You would be excused to think that Scud Missiles are falling down hard on the respectable well established honoured esteemed and founded marriage institution amongst our midst. Divorces and separations are increasing to the levels that almost 2 to 3 marriages amongst younger peoples end in the first two years of their wedding anniversaries. The situation is not only local, but deemed to be even worse in neighbouring countries for that matter.
There are many instances of marriages breaking after only a few months, and that becomes after the ‘shock and awe’ that you have taken in and analysed that that person you thought you knew well and understood is quite a different person ‘in reality in real life in marriage’ – and you must have lost your faculties and mind to even to have gone to propose or to accept that proposal!
Do we need an excuse to justify this rot, malaise, decay and decadence? Do we want to attribute it to the new beamed in ‘satellite dishes’ with ‘it is ok to go for something new exciting and fanciful’ and if you are caught so what? Let it be, you are not alone and it is being done by so many others, so it does not matter anymore syndromes! Or it is the chase of the game that is all exciting fun thrilling invigorating and stimulating experiences and escapades. Fun and games. Raising the adrenaline levels in the hunt and chase and being hunted and being chased syndromes!
It is just okay and the in-fun things everyone is doing it’…… or other excuses we may want to find. Or you have bills and expenses to make, and there is a ‘sugar-daddy’ or ‘sugar-mummy’ around to provide, and lack of morals, principles and ethics ….shameful decadent betrayals destruction of the great marriage institution long set by our forefathers, highly respected, esteemed, followed and honoured and respected ….and being honest, sincere, faithful, true, genuine in relationships attitudes behaviours perseverance protection and pursuits are all alien and old fashioned too?
Sometimes it is just the thoughts ideas and suggestions being hinted at or thrown to us by signals or body signs that sets off the evil in us many, and the biggest culprits in all these are in the Office Environment. If you had read my article ‘Office Politics’ you will know what I mean here.
Like I had said so many times before and even I am tired of saying it again – the dividing line between good and bad is sometimes so thin, that you might have inadvertently have crossed it without even knowing it.
Before you decide to go into an escapade, just do not think of yourself alone but those who look up at you and trust and whom you are going to hurt and destroy in the process. Plus losing your own standing respect and integrity – to say the very least. And young lasses – stay back – watch it - stick to your own kind. If he can betray his own wife after so many years, he sure can do the same to you one day! And you know sometimes in these things you may have to make the subtle suggestion and move – the first move - or be more receptive than just to play hard to get stuff, as the new boys are more ‘girlish’ and the girls nowadays more ‘manly and bullish’.
By:-
Majid Said Nasser Al Suleimany
Telling Lies!
Telling Lies!
(Or why we Cheat and Tell Lies!)
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for ‘laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! All one had to say was, ‘Excuse me, I am just saying the truth here’ and the rest of the world would fall in line and believe him or her for that matter.
***
Let me ask you this question – if I ask you to tell me truthfully, that is, ‘have you ever lied in your life? Have you cheated someone, and pretended that you were honest and truthful?’ Guess the answers one will get? ‘No, I have always been an honest and truthful person. Excuse me, first of all, who are you to ask me these type of (personal) questions? Actually, I do not have to answer such type of questions from anyone for that matter!’
Notice the excited emotions? The ‘automatic defensive mechanisms’ that springs to place? This followed by the aggressions too? It all ‘comes out natural’ for many! They say ‘more’ from those who are ‘habitual and chronic pathetic liars and cheaters! For them to tell lies is just like a ‘cup of tea’ or drinking water – it all comes out easy and natural!
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for ‘laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! All one had to say was, ‘Excuse me, I am saying the truth here’ and the rest of the world would fall in line and believe him. Finito! End! Period! But because we lie and cheat, and some of us of the times (or when we want to cover our tracks especially!), we have these things in place!
Did you read the novel 1984 (I think was by George Orwell)? In this ‘Big Brother’ can read your mind before you ever think of it – and you are already in BIG trouble! Big brother is watching you!’ Would that not be a frightening world to live in? When you see someone and say (by telepathy or other way means) ‘stop – and you immediately do something to that person’ because you can read his or her brain and mind? No need of pretence compliments or looking the other way, because you know exactly what that person thinks (or you think of him or her!) and there is no need to ‘cheat or tell lies’ to one another?
It is said that during the ‘Cold Wars’ the Russians and the KGB were desperately trying hard to penetrate and to delve into research where they could read peoples minds! If it is ‘just fits of the imagination’ and as a result of the cold war propagandas, no one has ever found out or to ever know to date - at least, and thank God too!
Why do we lie and cheat? It is a one million dollar question. Some lie always – by habits and behaviour, they are chronic and pathetic liars too! When I was in my young Secondary school days, there was a student in our class. They called him ‘Mr. Kiboko” – that is ‘one who whips out tales’, or ‘Mr. ‘Mabomu’ - one who blasts out (exaggerates!)! One time in class he told us that there was a big traffic pile up and he thinks some people had died (though he admitted later he did not personally see any ‘dead people’). Actually all he saw was some passengers looking out of a bus that had crashed into a smaller car at a traffic junction. There were some injury to the driver of the small car, but no deaths and no pile-ups either!
When I used to work in that same place, I had a colleague who used to ‘lie and cheat’ on his spouse and using me as the excuse to her. ‘I have gone to M’s house’, he used to tell her, ‘we are going out to see a new film together! Sometimes he used to tell me in advance on his fibs, but one time I had answered his phone and his wife (new one too - some peoples!) asked me ‘so what film did you see yesterday with xyz?’ Luckily I had seen the paper’s advertisement and said ‘Ice Station Zebra’.
I stopped the guy from using me anymore as ‘his excuse’ after this. Eventually the wife found out too (these things have always a way of coming out and the truth to prevail and dominate eventually!) And they were divorced with 2 small children too! How pathetic, sad and tragic! Sadly more and pathetically too, that lady was a First Class one and very pretty one too. I guess if there was another devious person, who could have used the information to his advantage and benefits, but not the innocent, naïve and dumb I for that matter!
If one takes ‘you to be a habitual, chronic and customary liar’, a time may come and sometimes at a most critical time in your life too – when you are actually saying the truth for once, and no one is going to believe you! It maybe even involve your personal freedom (or extreme case your own very life) that would depend on it, and that is at stake. Add ‘circumstantial evidence’ to a habitual liar – that is it – the combustion followed by an explosion - the stakes are all that high to do you in!
Why do we lie anyway? This subject, to be answered fully and rightly, would definitely take more than the column space they allow me weekly – but possibly some answers I guess (briefly!): -
a) Just for the fun and thrill of it!
b) For our ‘pursuits, chases, habits’ etc.
c) Getting out of a situation you do not like to remain in or to have been in, in the first place and instance (like a ‘forced marriage’ thing!)
d) You think you are the smarter and more intelligent person, the rest are all gullible susceptible stupid fools who will believe anything – ‘hook, bait and sinker’!
e) To gain something – advantage or profit from someone.
f) To get out of a nasty situation or status quo.
g) It is a natural reaction, behaviour and custom, and the way one conducts himself or herself in life!
h) To escape possible penalty and punishment if found out - whether environmentally, socially, professionally, ethically and or personally.
i) To ‘have your cake and eat it’ too – few can do this!
j) Proving or showing a bad example to others who may be tempted to follow or emulate you!
k) To bring feuding parties together – like family members, husband and wife.
l) For ‘publicity, morality and propaganda’ purposes.
m) To advertise or sell a thing or product in the market.
n) To occupy and dominate a position or status quo.
o) The politicians route to power and fame.
p) Actors and Actresses same route to be starring, power and fame.
q) Have you heard of the expression – ‘butter will not melt on her mouth? It shows essence of honesty, truthfulness sincerity – you say it. The true situation is completely different!
r) A façade (decoration) that one is good, pious and religious, when one is not!
s) Others possibly.
How can we know if someone is lying to us? Scientists, Psychiatrists, Psycho Analysts have given us may ‘body signs’ that we can identify with lying, like avoiding eye contact, hands movements, eye pupil movements etc. But then the question remains – if one can be detected by these, would not one play-act play-role etc to see one is not found out? Certainly they will. I guess that is why they have ‘lie – detectors’ used also in crime scenes! Although there are some controversies that even these one can play with to portray being honest and truthful too.
What if someone is actually telling the truth (even if for once in his life) but we still do not believe him? Is there no danger of a ‘hang jury’ thing here - especially if the evidence is all circumstantial and not provable too? I am not sure – but I think it is the French who have said ‘Better let many possibly criminals go Scot-free, than induct a wrong innocent person’. (Forgive me it comes with age – I know the expression but cannot remember who said it!) – Or ‘is innocent until proved guilty – as the Brits say! Our own religion holds telling of lies and cheating as grave evil things with great punishments in the grave and the hereafter for such things.
Whichever religion or creed you belong too, it is all the same outlook, view and held values! Next time you want to lie, remember this! Speak the truth for once; a lot may depend on it. You may never know till it is too late, too!
Anyway make a resolution to ‘always speak the truth’ from now on, just in case!
…………… End ………………….
(Or why we Cheat and Tell Lies!)
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for ‘laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! All one had to say was, ‘Excuse me, I am just saying the truth here’ and the rest of the world would fall in line and believe him or her for that matter.
***
Let me ask you this question – if I ask you to tell me truthfully, that is, ‘have you ever lied in your life? Have you cheated someone, and pretended that you were honest and truthful?’ Guess the answers one will get? ‘No, I have always been an honest and truthful person. Excuse me, first of all, who are you to ask me these type of (personal) questions? Actually, I do not have to answer such type of questions from anyone for that matter!’
Notice the excited emotions? The ‘automatic defensive mechanisms’ that springs to place? This followed by the aggressions too? It all ‘comes out natural’ for many! They say ‘more’ from those who are ‘habitual and chronic pathetic liars and cheaters! For them to tell lies is just like a ‘cup of tea’ or drinking water – it all comes out easy and natural!
Now that if the whole world was to tell the truth, there would be no need for ‘laws, rules, regulations, the Police and the Courts too for that matter! All one had to say was, ‘Excuse me, I am saying the truth here’ and the rest of the world would fall in line and believe him. Finito! End! Period! But because we lie and cheat, and some of us of the times (or when we want to cover our tracks especially!), we have these things in place!
Did you read the novel 1984 (I think was by George Orwell)? In this ‘Big Brother’ can read your mind before you ever think of it – and you are already in BIG trouble! Big brother is watching you!’ Would that not be a frightening world to live in? When you see someone and say (by telepathy or other way means) ‘stop – and you immediately do something to that person’ because you can read his or her brain and mind? No need of pretence compliments or looking the other way, because you know exactly what that person thinks (or you think of him or her!) and there is no need to ‘cheat or tell lies’ to one another?
It is said that during the ‘Cold Wars’ the Russians and the KGB were desperately trying hard to penetrate and to delve into research where they could read peoples minds! If it is ‘just fits of the imagination’ and as a result of the cold war propagandas, no one has ever found out or to ever know to date - at least, and thank God too!
Why do we lie and cheat? It is a one million dollar question. Some lie always – by habits and behaviour, they are chronic and pathetic liars too! When I was in my young Secondary school days, there was a student in our class. They called him ‘Mr. Kiboko” – that is ‘one who whips out tales’, or ‘Mr. ‘Mabomu’ - one who blasts out (exaggerates!)! One time in class he told us that there was a big traffic pile up and he thinks some people had died (though he admitted later he did not personally see any ‘dead people’). Actually all he saw was some passengers looking out of a bus that had crashed into a smaller car at a traffic junction. There were some injury to the driver of the small car, but no deaths and no pile-ups either!
When I used to work in that same place, I had a colleague who used to ‘lie and cheat’ on his spouse and using me as the excuse to her. ‘I have gone to M’s house’, he used to tell her, ‘we are going out to see a new film together! Sometimes he used to tell me in advance on his fibs, but one time I had answered his phone and his wife (new one too - some peoples!) asked me ‘so what film did you see yesterday with xyz?’ Luckily I had seen the paper’s advertisement and said ‘Ice Station Zebra’.
I stopped the guy from using me anymore as ‘his excuse’ after this. Eventually the wife found out too (these things have always a way of coming out and the truth to prevail and dominate eventually!) And they were divorced with 2 small children too! How pathetic, sad and tragic! Sadly more and pathetically too, that lady was a First Class one and very pretty one too. I guess if there was another devious person, who could have used the information to his advantage and benefits, but not the innocent, naïve and dumb I for that matter!
If one takes ‘you to be a habitual, chronic and customary liar’, a time may come and sometimes at a most critical time in your life too – when you are actually saying the truth for once, and no one is going to believe you! It maybe even involve your personal freedom (or extreme case your own very life) that would depend on it, and that is at stake. Add ‘circumstantial evidence’ to a habitual liar – that is it – the combustion followed by an explosion - the stakes are all that high to do you in!
Why do we lie anyway? This subject, to be answered fully and rightly, would definitely take more than the column space they allow me weekly – but possibly some answers I guess (briefly!): -
a) Just for the fun and thrill of it!
b) For our ‘pursuits, chases, habits’ etc.
c) Getting out of a situation you do not like to remain in or to have been in, in the first place and instance (like a ‘forced marriage’ thing!)
d) You think you are the smarter and more intelligent person, the rest are all gullible susceptible stupid fools who will believe anything – ‘hook, bait and sinker’!
e) To gain something – advantage or profit from someone.
f) To get out of a nasty situation or status quo.
g) It is a natural reaction, behaviour and custom, and the way one conducts himself or herself in life!
h) To escape possible penalty and punishment if found out - whether environmentally, socially, professionally, ethically and or personally.
i) To ‘have your cake and eat it’ too – few can do this!
j) Proving or showing a bad example to others who may be tempted to follow or emulate you!
k) To bring feuding parties together – like family members, husband and wife.
l) For ‘publicity, morality and propaganda’ purposes.
m) To advertise or sell a thing or product in the market.
n) To occupy and dominate a position or status quo.
o) The politicians route to power and fame.
p) Actors and Actresses same route to be starring, power and fame.
q) Have you heard of the expression – ‘butter will not melt on her mouth? It shows essence of honesty, truthfulness sincerity – you say it. The true situation is completely different!
r) A façade (decoration) that one is good, pious and religious, when one is not!
s) Others possibly.
How can we know if someone is lying to us? Scientists, Psychiatrists, Psycho Analysts have given us may ‘body signs’ that we can identify with lying, like avoiding eye contact, hands movements, eye pupil movements etc. But then the question remains – if one can be detected by these, would not one play-act play-role etc to see one is not found out? Certainly they will. I guess that is why they have ‘lie – detectors’ used also in crime scenes! Although there are some controversies that even these one can play with to portray being honest and truthful too.
What if someone is actually telling the truth (even if for once in his life) but we still do not believe him? Is there no danger of a ‘hang jury’ thing here - especially if the evidence is all circumstantial and not provable too? I am not sure – but I think it is the French who have said ‘Better let many possibly criminals go Scot-free, than induct a wrong innocent person’. (Forgive me it comes with age – I know the expression but cannot remember who said it!) – Or ‘is innocent until proved guilty – as the Brits say! Our own religion holds telling of lies and cheating as grave evil things with great punishments in the grave and the hereafter for such things.
Whichever religion or creed you belong too, it is all the same outlook, view and held values! Next time you want to lie, remember this! Speak the truth for once; a lot may depend on it. You may never know till it is too late, too!
Anyway make a resolution to ‘always speak the truth’ from now on, just in case!
…………… End ………………….
Yes - Darling Wife!
Yes - Darling Wife!
This is the ‘rate race’. Competing with the Tom, Dick and Harry. Or in our part of the world with the Alis, Khalids and Salims.
“But I came in with only OMR 30/- I thought that was enough. You see my wife and I came in last week, but we thought we would buy it only now”.
***
The other day I met this old friend of mine shopping in a Children’s Shop for a baby hammock-cum-pram. He looked very agitated, trying to argue desperately with the lady sales assistant to ‘reduce the price’. He kept looking at his wallet whilst talking to this lady. Finally, the exasperated sales lady called in her lady Supervisor. “What is the problem?” the supervisor asked of the Customer. The sales lady tries to say something; the other lady stops her. “I am asking the Customer”, she cuts in, politely though. The poor man now (almost pleading) says, “I came last week, this was only RO. 30/-, how come to it has gone now to OMR 39/-‘
“Sir,” the Supervisor says, “last week we had a Sale. The Sale is now finished”
“But I came in with only OMR 30/- I thought that was enough. You see my wife and I came in last week, but we thought we would buy it only now. Since we put the baby on to try on it, she has kept crying since we took her away from it” (‘I cannot go home now without it”, remained unsaid,” Otherwise the baby who has not stopped crying, the mother will kill me for sure’!)
It is then I approach the friend. I said (pulling him aside). If it is a question of money, I can help and chip in. He says stoically and politely “No,” I am okay-thanks!
I move to the next counter. I give the other Supervisor OMR 9/- (nine) – what is it for a friend? He looks like a more senior Sales guy.
“Okay”, he tells the customer, “we shall sell you at the Sale Price” The man cannot hide his pleasure and happiness. He is given a receipt for OMR 30/- and leaves the shop – a happy man back to his good and anticipating wife and child. I get my OMR 9/- receipt separately.
Now this is my question!
If you do not have the money, why in all Heavens and Graces take your wife to such a shop, and try baby on such gadgets – when you know there is just enough for petrol for the car till next pay day? Guess the man wanted to ‘please’ his wife. Or perhaps the wife wanted to go there, and the man (like the rest of us, no guile or guts) could not say emphatically and categorically “No” – ‘I am not walking in that shop ‘to see or window-shop anything’ unless I have money in my pocket first! That is how men used to be before, in the olden days of our grandfathers time.
This is how fast our Omani society is changing to play its role in the ‘Global Village” the world has now become. It is not only in Oman, it is everywhere. The line between being masculine (macho, strong man) and feminine (soft, tender, Yes Darling) has been merged – you never know which side you are in, perhaps until it is too late.
The rate race. Competing with the Toms Dicks and Harrys. Or in our part of the world with the Alis, Khalids and Salims. How many of us have involved ourselves in expenses that we could have all have saved the money for a better or worthier cause. How many? I am no angel myself. Nor my family either. When shall we learn? We need to do that now!. Before it is too late! At least for the sake of our children and the future generations!
One time, several years ago we had a surprise visit from one of our (financially poorer, but hearts richer!) family members. At the time there was nothing in the house, so the good self moved next to the Kentucky Fried Chicken shop near our home and bought some family meals. The children from the visiting family were so happy (something new). You could see the mother being very much embarrassed, uncomfortable and almost fidgeting. How does the good self handle such sensitivities? Brainwave – distractions.., say or do something quickly different to move focus! Or pretend! Nothing heard!. Believe me, or not. I cried at night. My wife thought I was a sentimental old fool, needed an outlet (perhaps not happy at work?)
Because we can afford to have most things, we take it for granted that most other families are in the same boat. The truth is completely different. We keep wanting more and more, like in the Charles Dickens story. Yet others are happy and contented with what few that they have. They are relaxed and cool at heart, happy and satisfied. Whilst the rest of us are continuously on the run, never happy and in the competition and in the rat race. More! Please More! More Please!
When this family was leaving, the mother could not hide her gratifications and gratitude. We always remembered them, especially in the Holy Month of Ramadhan and on Eid days.
3 days ago this boy (tall) comes into the house. He looks familiar, but I cannot place him. He tells me who he is (from that family!). Remember me? I feel more embarrassed I guess more than him! I look at him again. He has just returned from abroad with a Master’s Degree, and landed with a good job too! ‘By the way”, he says, regards from father and mother. I shall now be looking after them. (Hope so, son, before you too get trapped in the ‘Okay, Yes, Darling’ syndrome and forget your parents too in the process). One can only hope and pray – nothing else one can do. Sometimes being without and poor can be a great motivator, pusher, propeller and stimuli to exceed in life. Thanks to Allah, our parents insisted we get educated and as a tool to succeed in life.
Is it not a vicious circle? I guess it is. What else can one say?
End.
This is the ‘rate race’. Competing with the Tom, Dick and Harry. Or in our part of the world with the Alis, Khalids and Salims.
“But I came in with only OMR 30/- I thought that was enough. You see my wife and I came in last week, but we thought we would buy it only now”.
***
The other day I met this old friend of mine shopping in a Children’s Shop for a baby hammock-cum-pram. He looked very agitated, trying to argue desperately with the lady sales assistant to ‘reduce the price’. He kept looking at his wallet whilst talking to this lady. Finally, the exasperated sales lady called in her lady Supervisor. “What is the problem?” the supervisor asked of the Customer. The sales lady tries to say something; the other lady stops her. “I am asking the Customer”, she cuts in, politely though. The poor man now (almost pleading) says, “I came last week, this was only RO. 30/-, how come to it has gone now to OMR 39/-‘
“Sir,” the Supervisor says, “last week we had a Sale. The Sale is now finished”
“But I came in with only OMR 30/- I thought that was enough. You see my wife and I came in last week, but we thought we would buy it only now. Since we put the baby on to try on it, she has kept crying since we took her away from it” (‘I cannot go home now without it”, remained unsaid,” Otherwise the baby who has not stopped crying, the mother will kill me for sure’!)
It is then I approach the friend. I said (pulling him aside). If it is a question of money, I can help and chip in. He says stoically and politely “No,” I am okay-thanks!
I move to the next counter. I give the other Supervisor OMR 9/- (nine) – what is it for a friend? He looks like a more senior Sales guy.
“Okay”, he tells the customer, “we shall sell you at the Sale Price” The man cannot hide his pleasure and happiness. He is given a receipt for OMR 30/- and leaves the shop – a happy man back to his good and anticipating wife and child. I get my OMR 9/- receipt separately.
Now this is my question!
If you do not have the money, why in all Heavens and Graces take your wife to such a shop, and try baby on such gadgets – when you know there is just enough for petrol for the car till next pay day? Guess the man wanted to ‘please’ his wife. Or perhaps the wife wanted to go there, and the man (like the rest of us, no guile or guts) could not say emphatically and categorically “No” – ‘I am not walking in that shop ‘to see or window-shop anything’ unless I have money in my pocket first! That is how men used to be before, in the olden days of our grandfathers time.
This is how fast our Omani society is changing to play its role in the ‘Global Village” the world has now become. It is not only in Oman, it is everywhere. The line between being masculine (macho, strong man) and feminine (soft, tender, Yes Darling) has been merged – you never know which side you are in, perhaps until it is too late.
The rate race. Competing with the Toms Dicks and Harrys. Or in our part of the world with the Alis, Khalids and Salims. How many of us have involved ourselves in expenses that we could have all have saved the money for a better or worthier cause. How many? I am no angel myself. Nor my family either. When shall we learn? We need to do that now!. Before it is too late! At least for the sake of our children and the future generations!
One time, several years ago we had a surprise visit from one of our (financially poorer, but hearts richer!) family members. At the time there was nothing in the house, so the good self moved next to the Kentucky Fried Chicken shop near our home and bought some family meals. The children from the visiting family were so happy (something new). You could see the mother being very much embarrassed, uncomfortable and almost fidgeting. How does the good self handle such sensitivities? Brainwave – distractions.., say or do something quickly different to move focus! Or pretend! Nothing heard!. Believe me, or not. I cried at night. My wife thought I was a sentimental old fool, needed an outlet (perhaps not happy at work?)
Because we can afford to have most things, we take it for granted that most other families are in the same boat. The truth is completely different. We keep wanting more and more, like in the Charles Dickens story. Yet others are happy and contented with what few that they have. They are relaxed and cool at heart, happy and satisfied. Whilst the rest of us are continuously on the run, never happy and in the competition and in the rat race. More! Please More! More Please!
When this family was leaving, the mother could not hide her gratifications and gratitude. We always remembered them, especially in the Holy Month of Ramadhan and on Eid days.
3 days ago this boy (tall) comes into the house. He looks familiar, but I cannot place him. He tells me who he is (from that family!). Remember me? I feel more embarrassed I guess more than him! I look at him again. He has just returned from abroad with a Master’s Degree, and landed with a good job too! ‘By the way”, he says, regards from father and mother. I shall now be looking after them. (Hope so, son, before you too get trapped in the ‘Okay, Yes, Darling’ syndrome and forget your parents too in the process). One can only hope and pray – nothing else one can do. Sometimes being without and poor can be a great motivator, pusher, propeller and stimuli to exceed in life. Thanks to Allah, our parents insisted we get educated and as a tool to succeed in life.
Is it not a vicious circle? I guess it is. What else can one say?
End.
Divorce ….. Local (Omani) Style!
Divorce ….. Local (Omani) Style!
(Original Version)
The chapter talks about the increasing phenomena and problems in local divorces. Taken from the heading of the film – Divorce, American Style! Looks at the increasing rising divorces in locals both in Oman and other Gulf States, and what are the causes, conflicts, repercussions and discusses what couples should do ‘to save their marriage’ at all costs and problems to children of separated couples.
She calls home immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything silly - DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
***
*** Let us start with this joke, to ‘break the ice of a rather serious and emotive subject matter. The story goes on like this – Typical X (X - choose your own favourite jokes target victim group!) Mentality.
Divorcing after 45 years an elderly X man in (choose your city) calls his son in (far away city in another country) and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!" "Pop, what are you talking about?" The son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you had better call your sister in (other city) and tell her!" Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls home immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything silly - DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, dear", he says, "They're coming for (choose your celebration occasion) and paying for their own travel fare."
Seriously though, if one is to go by possible Statistics, sadly and tragically, you find that increasingly younger and younger couples are now ‘cheating’ outside the marital home, and their marriages ending on the rocks. What was the norm of older couples is now also prevalent and predominant also in younger couples. I know personally of a couple that had spent not less than Omani Rials 20,000 (yes Twenty Thousand, no kidding!) for their marriage celebrations per se. Six months later approximately the marriage was on the ‘back burner’ and ‘on the rocks’. The kissing, hugging and loving couples were transferred to the Dr Jeykll and Hyde Story to an unbelievable level of anger, fury, bitterness, recriminations, rancour and hate – and accusations and double accusations, that you could not believe that this same couple had even threatened to ‘elope’, because one of the parents thought ‘they were too early to get married’. Thankfully, they are back again, but I personally think the damage has been irrevocably been done, at least for the immediate future!
I was reading this article “The Top 10 Shortest Celebrity Marriages’ who all got divorced within the first nine months (highest) to one six hours (lowest) – yes sober too! Is this what we are now aiming for in our society? When I was working in one of the Gulf countries for one year approximately, the local papers were full of cases and news of premature divorces and early separations, especially in marriages between locals. This despite the fact that there were State Apparatus to encourage nationals to marry, and their wedding celebrations were done en masse at this Apparatus costs. The underlying factor that was given for this dilemma was that the local boys wanted to act as ‘macho men’ like their great grandfathers in their old Times, whilst the girls (who unalike their great grandmothers - were not willing to play ‘their old grandmothers’ role) as they TOO were educated and liberal in approach and in outlook) – thus a sure fatal recipe and ingredient for a ‘marriage combustion converter element’, like a matchbox to a litre of petrol!
When I asked the local girls in my Office why the local boys preferred to marry ‘foreign wives’, they crudely replied that the boys wanted an obedient and loyal ‘cook, domestic servant and waitress’ – and not a companion, friend or partner to share their lives with. When I asked the local boys, they retorted that their girls ‘were lazy, conceited and proud’ and had inflated opinions of themselves and ‘what they were worth!’, and that is why they preferred foreign ones. The Far Eastern brides were considered as a ‘good catch’ because they had been brought up to esteem and respect their husbands, and that ‘they remained loyal and faithful’ (sic! And double sic!!) Even if they knew that their husbands were unfaithful and cheating too!
What is ironical is that the girls there thought ‘things were good in your country (‘greener on the other hill syndrome?’); at least it is not that easy to get permission to ‘marry foreigners’ like here!! They said at least your Authorities know how to protect the society from foreign influences and elements. They could be right, at least in the beloved nation we do not carry advertisements propagating and encouraging our local boys to marry foreign wives, because in all the Adverts in whatever media, you will find the young couples in local dresses, unalike that other place where the man is in local dress but the wife and the kids too are either European or from the so-called more Advanced Arab Levant countries’!!
But how far different are we in Oman? Perhaps if the gates were open, perhaps too our youth would prefer to go ‘foreign too? It is a one million dollar question; for sure none of us in our right senses would want to find out! What happened to the sanctity and preservation of marriage as the highest institution in our lives? As according to our Islamic Religion teachings, the Holy Quraan, The Sunnah and The Hadith? Our Omani customs, traditions, culture and heritages??
Do we need a scapegoat? The Satellite dishes beaming decadent and wrong conceptions and ideas to us, that it is okay to cheat (man, everyone is doing it, so long as you are not
found out, so what syndromes!) and having ‘something extra on the side’ is perfectly normal and natural (do not forget men are born ‘polygamous’ and is a ‘hunter’ by nature, and the ‘damsels are to be chased, hunted and conquered - even if they are other peoples wives!’- Is all perfectly natural and normal!
How about being more realistic and practical in our self-evaluations, analysis and assessments? Isn’t it a question of not keeping to our values and all those that we hold close and dear to us? Our customs, traditions, culture, customs and upbringings? How about increased selfishness and increased materialism? Easy way out solutions rather than ‘sit, grin and bear’ it stuff? Frankness, openness, forthrightness, sincerity and genuineness instead of lies, deceits, deceptions and evilness and vileness??
How come if you tell someone young nowadays that you are married now for 26 years, the first question is ‘are you mad? Are you okay? Are you sure you are happy, satisfied and contented – or is it just a show and a façade? How come we took these thing as being natural with our Grand Parents and Parents (some with even 3 or 4 wives too! – try that now a girl smiles at you, and the wife suspects something ‘fishy’ is going on, or about to happen – and vice versa?
How come there is no license to get married, like in a driving license? Some African tribes in East Africa allow you to take a maiden, and only to marry her if you are both compatible! Is a car more important than a wife or a husband? And what about the sanctity and the sacrilege of marriages??
We need to impart to our younger generations the high sacrilege, sanctity and high importance and profile of the ‘Marriage Institution’. Patience, harmony, tolerance, forbearing, trust, faith and confidence. This in order to save our Society for future generations! And to stop emulating and copying blindly alien outlooks, culture, customs, traditions, heritage and values per se!
This if we want to preserve and save our society; and for future generations.
End
(Original Version)
The chapter talks about the increasing phenomena and problems in local divorces. Taken from the heading of the film – Divorce, American Style! Looks at the increasing rising divorces in locals both in Oman and other Gulf States, and what are the causes, conflicts, repercussions and discusses what couples should do ‘to save their marriage’ at all costs and problems to children of separated couples.
She calls home immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything silly - DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
***
*** Let us start with this joke, to ‘break the ice of a rather serious and emotive subject matter. The story goes on like this – Typical X (X - choose your own favourite jokes target victim group!) Mentality.
Divorcing after 45 years an elderly X man in (choose your city) calls his son in (far away city in another country) and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough!" "Pop, what are you talking about?" The son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you had better call your sister in (other city) and tell her!" Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls home immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do anything silly - DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, dear", he says, "They're coming for (choose your celebration occasion) and paying for their own travel fare."
Seriously though, if one is to go by possible Statistics, sadly and tragically, you find that increasingly younger and younger couples are now ‘cheating’ outside the marital home, and their marriages ending on the rocks. What was the norm of older couples is now also prevalent and predominant also in younger couples. I know personally of a couple that had spent not less than Omani Rials 20,000 (yes Twenty Thousand, no kidding!) for their marriage celebrations per se. Six months later approximately the marriage was on the ‘back burner’ and ‘on the rocks’. The kissing, hugging and loving couples were transferred to the Dr Jeykll and Hyde Story to an unbelievable level of anger, fury, bitterness, recriminations, rancour and hate – and accusations and double accusations, that you could not believe that this same couple had even threatened to ‘elope’, because one of the parents thought ‘they were too early to get married’. Thankfully, they are back again, but I personally think the damage has been irrevocably been done, at least for the immediate future!
I was reading this article “The Top 10 Shortest Celebrity Marriages’ who all got divorced within the first nine months (highest) to one six hours (lowest) – yes sober too! Is this what we are now aiming for in our society? When I was working in one of the Gulf countries for one year approximately, the local papers were full of cases and news of premature divorces and early separations, especially in marriages between locals. This despite the fact that there were State Apparatus to encourage nationals to marry, and their wedding celebrations were done en masse at this Apparatus costs. The underlying factor that was given for this dilemma was that the local boys wanted to act as ‘macho men’ like their great grandfathers in their old Times, whilst the girls (who unalike their great grandmothers - were not willing to play ‘their old grandmothers’ role) as they TOO were educated and liberal in approach and in outlook) – thus a sure fatal recipe and ingredient for a ‘marriage combustion converter element’, like a matchbox to a litre of petrol!
When I asked the local girls in my Office why the local boys preferred to marry ‘foreign wives’, they crudely replied that the boys wanted an obedient and loyal ‘cook, domestic servant and waitress’ – and not a companion, friend or partner to share their lives with. When I asked the local boys, they retorted that their girls ‘were lazy, conceited and proud’ and had inflated opinions of themselves and ‘what they were worth!’, and that is why they preferred foreign ones. The Far Eastern brides were considered as a ‘good catch’ because they had been brought up to esteem and respect their husbands, and that ‘they remained loyal and faithful’ (sic! And double sic!!) Even if they knew that their husbands were unfaithful and cheating too!
What is ironical is that the girls there thought ‘things were good in your country (‘greener on the other hill syndrome?’); at least it is not that easy to get permission to ‘marry foreigners’ like here!! They said at least your Authorities know how to protect the society from foreign influences and elements. They could be right, at least in the beloved nation we do not carry advertisements propagating and encouraging our local boys to marry foreign wives, because in all the Adverts in whatever media, you will find the young couples in local dresses, unalike that other place where the man is in local dress but the wife and the kids too are either European or from the so-called more Advanced Arab Levant countries’!!
But how far different are we in Oman? Perhaps if the gates were open, perhaps too our youth would prefer to go ‘foreign too? It is a one million dollar question; for sure none of us in our right senses would want to find out! What happened to the sanctity and preservation of marriage as the highest institution in our lives? As according to our Islamic Religion teachings, the Holy Quraan, The Sunnah and The Hadith? Our Omani customs, traditions, culture and heritages??
Do we need a scapegoat? The Satellite dishes beaming decadent and wrong conceptions and ideas to us, that it is okay to cheat (man, everyone is doing it, so long as you are not
found out, so what syndromes!) and having ‘something extra on the side’ is perfectly normal and natural (do not forget men are born ‘polygamous’ and is a ‘hunter’ by nature, and the ‘damsels are to be chased, hunted and conquered - even if they are other peoples wives!’- Is all perfectly natural and normal!
How about being more realistic and practical in our self-evaluations, analysis and assessments? Isn’t it a question of not keeping to our values and all those that we hold close and dear to us? Our customs, traditions, culture, customs and upbringings? How about increased selfishness and increased materialism? Easy way out solutions rather than ‘sit, grin and bear’ it stuff? Frankness, openness, forthrightness, sincerity and genuineness instead of lies, deceits, deceptions and evilness and vileness??
How come if you tell someone young nowadays that you are married now for 26 years, the first question is ‘are you mad? Are you okay? Are you sure you are happy, satisfied and contented – or is it just a show and a façade? How come we took these thing as being natural with our Grand Parents and Parents (some with even 3 or 4 wives too! – try that now a girl smiles at you, and the wife suspects something ‘fishy’ is going on, or about to happen – and vice versa?
How come there is no license to get married, like in a driving license? Some African tribes in East Africa allow you to take a maiden, and only to marry her if you are both compatible! Is a car more important than a wife or a husband? And what about the sanctity and the sacrilege of marriages??
We need to impart to our younger generations the high sacrilege, sanctity and high importance and profile of the ‘Marriage Institution’. Patience, harmony, tolerance, forbearing, trust, faith and confidence. This in order to save our Society for future generations! And to stop emulating and copying blindly alien outlooks, culture, customs, traditions, heritage and values per se!
This if we want to preserve and save our society; and for future generations.
End
Burning Homes!
Burning Homes!
This article was written in My Column - Between Us Only! of June 18th 2003 - 7 years ago! Also is in My Books - Between Us Only Series (Original, Short Takes and The Sequel)....
Please visit www.majidbooks.com for more information and details.
The reason I put up this blog is to ask this question - have things changed? For the good or worse off?
We need to deep self analyse and soul search ourselves more ....
But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes?
This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up of that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children?
***
In my last articles I wrote about increasing selfishness, materialism and divorce problems especially in the local communities. It is interesting to note that in one of the Gulf countries they have now introduced Social Centres to deal with maternal problems coupled with increasing phenomena in domestic violence. I personally think it is a good idea too for us to introduce here in Oman, if not there one yet. Or our young entrepreneurs can start thinking to open ‘shrink shops (psychologists)’ where peoples with maternal problems could go to for a change. It could prove to be a very profitable business, if you see how much these ‘shrinks’ charges in countries like USA and UK!!
Interestingly and increasingly too from my circle of friends and acquaintances - many of them who complain about their wives who are working professionals and educated and qualified too. Some of these wives are felt not to care for the maternal homes, but only to order around the ‘real wife position occupier – that is the housemaid – who is now found in most homes, ironically even those homes that do not really need one (with the wife at home syndrome) or cannot even afford one for that matter due to the incomes of both working couples. However, it is a fashionable thing, the in-thing – and everyone must have one nowadays in the home.
To be fair to the wives too, they complain that the men are now increasingly interested ‘to be out with the boys’ syndromes. Many a men have been caught with their wives or girl friends with ‘photos of other relationships’, or their numbers in their Mobiles / GSMs!! I know a friend of mine too, you would never have expected him to have joined the bandwagon with the unending lectures and speeches on material responsibilities and ethics he gives, but as usual the lecturer is different from the lectures he gives, the preacher to what he preaches!
But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes? This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children? Hey – what is wrong with us nowadays? Is it the increased selfishness, materialism and blind emulating and copying of values that are not our own? Against the very fabric of our society in all aspects and values, against our cultures, heritage, customs and traditions per se?? Think about it for a moment.
I know a very close related couple who would act in front of others to be all caring and loving, with all love call names and a lot of praises and touches. But go away the guests, hell is let lose – back to normal with bad name calling, accusations and double accusations, acrimony, distrust and bitterness. The man cheats on his wife, and the woman cheats on her husband – and some friends (so-called) have even been involved!! How sad and lower can it ever get than this, this hypocrisies and double dealings? Is it the in-fashion, or more lost souls here? A lot of soul searching and self analysis here I think is required, and incumbent upon all of us.
You talk to many young peoples, both male and females. They openly admit that it is not a question of love that would make them enter into long lasting relationships, but what the other side has. Do you have a SUV? Do you have a big house? A big position? Where do you live? And all the wrong questions. Not what type of person one is? His parents and family background, his behaviour and character etc, even if he or she was not rich for that matter. Very young pretty and beautiful girls of good characters and backgrounds from good and decent families are not marketable! Why? Because they have no job, or are jobless or do low rung jobs! Their marketable competitors are those with good jobs, and even have their own built villas too!
The same goes for the men!! Be handsome and however attractive you are – no money no honey! And if you have all the right stuff? The competition comes in not only from the single and unwed damsels, but even sadly and tragically from the married damsels too on the side! That is why these ‘gallant heroes’ do not even think of getting committed and get married, but enjoy the chases and the limelight!
Something gotta give – and that is when and where the domestic violence syndrome sets in. And when both couples cheat outside their marriage, who suffers the most? The poor kids. With anger, fury, bitterness and hatred in their hearts they too later on join the ‘vicious circle’ – and all hell is let loose.
The religious peoples need to do something more in this field, rather than lecturing about eternal damnation and hell fires. And our elders and parents too need to get more involved. Including relatives and friends, who prefer the easy way out of not getting involved or be interested, or feign and pretend they do not know, or have not been told!
This respect for the marriage institution need to be rekindled and nurtured back into being once again – coupled with our true values, traditions, customs and heritages! Not forgetting honesty, loyalty, sincerity, genuineness and care and feelings for each other in the marriage institution! And watching the wrong messages and bad consequences that we are passing on to our kids and the future generations. Definitely marital bliss needs to be looked into – and domestic violence have to be put a stop too immediately first. People need to be open and talk to each other. If they cannot do it themselves, others caring MUST step in – before it is too late for everyone!!
Allah God be with us all – Amin - Amen!
End
This article was written in My Column - Between Us Only! of June 18th 2003 - 7 years ago! Also is in My Books - Between Us Only Series (Original, Short Takes and The Sequel)....
Please visit www.majidbooks.com for more information and details.
The reason I put up this blog is to ask this question - have things changed? For the good or worse off?
We need to deep self analyse and soul search ourselves more ....
But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes?
This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up of that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children?
***
In my last articles I wrote about increasing selfishness, materialism and divorce problems especially in the local communities. It is interesting to note that in one of the Gulf countries they have now introduced Social Centres to deal with maternal problems coupled with increasing phenomena in domestic violence. I personally think it is a good idea too for us to introduce here in Oman, if not there one yet. Or our young entrepreneurs can start thinking to open ‘shrink shops (psychologists)’ where peoples with maternal problems could go to for a change. It could prove to be a very profitable business, if you see how much these ‘shrinks’ charges in countries like USA and UK!!
Interestingly and increasingly too from my circle of friends and acquaintances - many of them who complain about their wives who are working professionals and educated and qualified too. Some of these wives are felt not to care for the maternal homes, but only to order around the ‘real wife position occupier – that is the housemaid – who is now found in most homes, ironically even those homes that do not really need one (with the wife at home syndrome) or cannot even afford one for that matter due to the incomes of both working couples. However, it is a fashionable thing, the in-thing – and everyone must have one nowadays in the home.
To be fair to the wives too, they complain that the men are now increasingly interested ‘to be out with the boys’ syndromes. Many a men have been caught with their wives or girl friends with ‘photos of other relationships’, or their numbers in their Mobiles / GSMs!! I know a friend of mine too, you would never have expected him to have joined the bandwagon with the unending lectures and speeches on material responsibilities and ethics he gives, but as usual the lecturer is different from the lectures he gives, the preacher to what he preaches!
But what is this new ugly and unpleasant development now in our homes? This ‘domestic violence’ thing? Do we need an excuse? The dishes and the foreign films and dramas that are beamed to our homes? Or is that the new in-thing fashion now, the provocations and ‘do not care stuff’ – followed by lifting of the hand and beating up that poor creature that bore you babies you call your own and have made you proud too? Do you consider the effects on the children? Hey – what is wrong with us nowadays? Is it the increased selfishness, materialism and blind emulating and copying of values that are not our own? Against the very fabric of our society in all aspects and values, against our cultures, heritage, customs and traditions per se?? Think about it for a moment.
I know a very close related couple who would act in front of others to be all caring and loving, with all love call names and a lot of praises and touches. But go away the guests, hell is let lose – back to normal with bad name calling, accusations and double accusations, acrimony, distrust and bitterness. The man cheats on his wife, and the woman cheats on her husband – and some friends (so-called) have even been involved!! How sad and lower can it ever get than this, this hypocrisies and double dealings? Is it the in-fashion, or more lost souls here? A lot of soul searching and self analysis here I think is required, and incumbent upon all of us.
You talk to many young peoples, both male and females. They openly admit that it is not a question of love that would make them enter into long lasting relationships, but what the other side has. Do you have a SUV? Do you have a big house? A big position? Where do you live? And all the wrong questions. Not what type of person one is? His parents and family background, his behaviour and character etc, even if he or she was not rich for that matter. Very young pretty and beautiful girls of good characters and backgrounds from good and decent families are not marketable! Why? Because they have no job, or are jobless or do low rung jobs! Their marketable competitors are those with good jobs, and even have their own built villas too!
The same goes for the men!! Be handsome and however attractive you are – no money no honey! And if you have all the right stuff? The competition comes in not only from the single and unwed damsels, but even sadly and tragically from the married damsels too on the side! That is why these ‘gallant heroes’ do not even think of getting committed and get married, but enjoy the chases and the limelight!
Something gotta give – and that is when and where the domestic violence syndrome sets in. And when both couples cheat outside their marriage, who suffers the most? The poor kids. With anger, fury, bitterness and hatred in their hearts they too later on join the ‘vicious circle’ – and all hell is let loose.
The religious peoples need to do something more in this field, rather than lecturing about eternal damnation and hell fires. And our elders and parents too need to get more involved. Including relatives and friends, who prefer the easy way out of not getting involved or be interested, or feign and pretend they do not know, or have not been told!
This respect for the marriage institution need to be rekindled and nurtured back into being once again – coupled with our true values, traditions, customs and heritages! Not forgetting honesty, loyalty, sincerity, genuineness and care and feelings for each other in the marriage institution! And watching the wrong messages and bad consequences that we are passing on to our kids and the future generations. Definitely marital bliss needs to be looked into – and domestic violence have to be put a stop too immediately first. People need to be open and talk to each other. If they cannot do it themselves, others caring MUST step in – before it is too late for everyone!!
Allah God be with us all – Amin - Amen!
End
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