Secret Marriages!

APPEARED IN THE OMAN DAILY OBSERVER DATED JANUARY 17th 2007 (TODAY WEDNESDAY).

BETWEEN US ONLY!.

HERE COMES THE BRIDE!

The young wedded in secret girl recalled what her father from the Interior had told her – Be very careful my dear daughter. You are going there into a world there full of hypocrites and bad peoples – a jungle - and it is infested and full of shark and wolves. But happened it still did! It had all started with a simple small SMS message and the last one before things ‘got hot’ was when she had said it to him (the Boss) – Sir, I am looking forward to work under you. You are the best boss in the world, a First Class gentleman and I am very happy to have met and known you. So he teased her back – what do you mean working under me? She teases back. He reciprocates! Soon teases, flirts and jokes become serious stuff. Soon they were meeting in secret, and he was telling her how unhappy he was with ‘my wife and life’.

Then he suddenly went cold. He felt guilty that he was cheating on his wife and family, though all he did was just a few small pecks, hugs and holding hands. That cannot be cheating, the voice inside him said, just holding hands? – be serious man! The girl had cried - why are turning away from me, you are breaking my heart! What have I done wrong? Please tell me so I can correct myself, and please tell me. PLEASE. It is unfair – you are hurting me, and I love you? It raised his male ego, he felt great and elated. This young girl age of my daughter in love with me? I might still have it – he prided himself!

But he wants to remain strong, he must do it. He says to her – you are too young to understand. This is a passing phenomenon – you just think you are in love. The idea and notion of being in love is what is moving you! A few years from now you will be tired of ‘this fancy toy’ and look for something better and younger to toy around with. No, she protested, I do not care. I hate these young boys; they are all dull, empty and artificial. I really do love you (that is it, the word and others to follow soon came out. I love you. I am ready to be yours for ever, but please keep it secret between us two only).

The girl cries uncontrollably, highly charged and depressed. He breaks down. Heard of an elder man cry? Shame on you, the elders would have said to him. Shame that you a man can cry – for a silly simple thing. And what is love? I married your Mother, and I met her first time on the wedding night? Did we go wrong? Tell me! Besides - you are a man. Men just do not cry. But cry he did! A week later the marriage took place. Four months later, the divorce also took place. The first wife had found out and insisted - either her or me – you cannot have it both ways. You cannot have your cake, and eat it too. You must choose between us. And choose he did, ending in divorce to his wife of more than 25 years.

***

Fantasy story or real? Take your pick. Anyway, the above titled song (Here Comes The Bride) has always moved me, it best describes and depicts a wedding ceremony for me and representing the Marriage Institution.

It is one year ago that I had written on the same similar topic and nothing has changed much nowadays except sliding downwards to the worst with second (secret) liaisons and marriages to the ‘younger lasses’ especially becoming ‘the rage of town’ and the new-in thing , the new latest fashion and trends. Coincidentally, incidentally and inadvertently the first time (young and new) marriages breaking up after a few months only. To the extent that those with younger sisters and daughters like us are scared to the most as to where and which direction that proposed or already just made marriages will be directed or moved to. You would think that marrying into rich and or famous families would do the trick, but your views are just as good as mine.

The side effects of all these secret marriages and liaisons are leading those already long married and just made grandparents also take the short cuts to separations and divorces, and they are on the increases. You would be excused to think that Scud Missiles are falling down hard on the respectable well established honoured esteemed and founded marriage institution amongst our midst. Divorces and separations are increasing to the levels that almost 2 to 3 marriages amongst younger peoples end in the first two years of their wedding anniversaries. The situation is not only local, but deemed to be even worse in neighbouring countries for that matter.

There are many instances of marriages breaking after only a few months, and that becomes after the ‘shock and awe’ that you have taken in and analysed that that person you thought you knew well and understood is quite a different person ‘in reality in real life in marriage’ – and you must have lost your faculties and mind to even to have gone to propose or to accept that proposal!

Do we need an excuse to justify this rot, malaise, decay and decadence? Do we want to attribute it to the new beamed in ‘satellite dishes’ with ‘it is ok to go for something new exciting and fanciful’ and if you are caught so what? Let it be, you are not alone and it is being done by so many others, so it does not matter anymore syndromes! Or it is the chase of the game that is all exciting fun thrilling invigorating and stimulating experiences and escapades. Fun and games. Raising the adrenaline levels in the hunt and chase and being hunted and being chased syndromes!

It is just okay and the in-fun things everyone is doing it’…… or other excuses we may want to find. Or you have bills and expenses to make, and there is a ‘sugar-daddy’ or ‘sugar-mummy’ around to provide, and lack of morals, principles and ethics ….shameful decadent betrayals destruction of the great marriage institution long set by our forefathers, highly respected, esteemed, followed and honoured and respected ….and being honest, sincere, faithful, true, genuine in relationships attitudes behaviours perseverance protection and pursuits are all alien and old fashioned too?

Sometimes it is just the thoughts ideas and suggestions being hinted at or thrown to us by signals or body signs that sets off the evil in us many, and the biggest culprits in all these are in the Office Environment. If you had read my article ‘Office Politics’ you will know what I mean here.

Like I had said so many times before and even I am tired of saying it again – the dividing line between good and bad is sometimes so thin, that you might have inadvertently have crossed it without even knowing it.

Before you decide to go into an escapade, just do not think of yourself alone but those who look up at you and trust and whom you are going to hurt and destroy in the process. Plus losing your own standing respect and integrity – to say the very least. And young lasses – stay back – watch it - stick to your own kind. If he can betray his own wife after so many years, he sure can do the same to you one day! And you know sometimes in these things you may have to make the subtle suggestion and move – the first move - or be more receptive than just to play hard to get stuff, as the new boys are more ‘girlish’ and the girls nowadays more ‘manly and bullish’.

By:-

Majid Said Nasser Al Suleimany