Hurtful, Cruel & Mean Words!

Hurtful, Cruel & Mean Words!

(ORIGINAL)
There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!

So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be possible, natural and possible”?

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There is no married life without bliss, quarrels and fights. It is not only in such relationships, but also between friends, family and relatives for that matter too. Sometimes even high up the pedestals between communities and nations too. It may take years and years of toil, hardship. Forbearance and creation to build very solid and formidable relationships – but only a few seconds in hurtful, vengeful and painful words to destroy that.

Most important is - do not let your brain tell your mouth what to speak, and then you speak it! Once said it cannot be taken back. Do you know that the most hurtful and painful things one can say against another are between peoples who are supposed to be very near and close to you? Think for a moment – who knows you best? Isn’t that your own spouse, best friend or relative – the closer the more worse? Outsiders don’t know you that close. Outside peoples always see an angel and nice things only in you – ‘butter would not melt in your mouth type’! Only those close or near you know you better, for the real and mantle you! Heard the phrase – familiarity breeds contempt?

One person it is said had asked our Great Prophet (PBUH) – Oh Great Prophet, what should I do to have peoples respect and esteem me a lot? He was told – do not ask anything (favours) from anyone! Do you notice what is the difference between us and God (whichever denomination). The more you ask from man, the more you lose respect, like and esteem. With God it is different, the more you ask of God – the more He likes it that man is asking from Him. True too, isn’t it dear Reader?

When I was a younger man, I know of one couple that was married for more than 12 years. There was not even one word said in anger fury or disappointment between them. The man admitted he was very happy with his wife, the wife with her husband. So it seemed a marriage created and with final touches from the good heaven itself, until that is the wife decided to walk away from that marriage and asked for her divorce saying – “I hate that man! I simply cannot stand the sight of him; he is all artificial and not real. No words of exchange in 12 years? How is it to be natural and possible”. It seemed she needed to express herself a bit now and then, but was denied the chance and opportunity by the ‘hen pecked doting’ husband!

There is nothing wrong in expressing yourself, so long as it is focused, objective and constructive – rather than being deadly, abusive and destructive. Or using foul (4 letter words!), ugly, acrimonious and ‘venom hatred filled’ punches and counter-punches. When some families fight, the whole street would know!

Sometimes when things get out of control, they end up in divorce. On the subject, I asked a Muslim Scholar friend of mine. I said – K, please tell me this, or clarify it for me! Why is it in our Religion that the man can divorce his wife that easily, but for the wife she has to request to be divorced, and the husband has to agree.

If he does not agree, than there have to be others to be involved. But none are required if he decided Instead?). The good man replied – because women are known for their temperaments, their ups and downs (related to their genes and body). The good man then asked me – don’t you think, if they were allowed to do so, that most men would have been divorced, some several times too? I could not find any reason to argue with him. Besides, you certainly do not argue these delicate sensitive things in Religion.

With the latest technologies and innovation, it is not only speaking but even writings too. Simply do not answer an E-Mail when you are angry and furious, however infuriating, disappointing and annoying one is received by you from anyone, especially job related at work. E-Mails are simply like spoken words, once you have spoken them, it is too late to take them back. They have gone to the ears of that other person!

Nowadays if I am annoyed by an E-Mail, I take time to cool down. If I must reply, I reply it – first I make SURE that I will not send it. I may type my angry retort, and then be SURE to delete it!. Or I write my response in another place, and then destroy that paper. Try it – actually it will make you relieved, and give you time for a more reasoned approach! The old days of being quick to the button retorts had put me in a lot of troubles – it is best avoided. Do not forget and can be said against you – you are a Professional, supposed to serve and to know better too!.

So next time you fight with your hubby, or he has annoyed you, do not let what you really think of him go into your head, and tell him exactly what you think of him. That goes to you too man to wife, or to friend, or anyone else for that matter. Can you believe that these kind of words have been heard to be uttered between peoples supposed to be one, let alone between enemies or adversaries (compiled from various sources!):-

• Sometimes you behave like a prostitute, the way you are after money (things)!
• I have always suspected you to be a gay (homosexual, lesbian, crook, thief etc) person!
• I saw your ex fiancée (supposed to get married to) today with his new find, how long before he dumps her like he did to you?
• From day one, you had never been committed to this marriage (or had ever liked me).
• I should have NEVER married you or even let our paths cross.
• I wish I was dead, so I was free from you.
• My father is right, he knew you to be what you really are, the good man.
• Why did I ever get married to such a poor loafer like you?
• You are very stingy and misery with our family, but not with your Mother etc..
• Everyone is invited to the party but not you. Nobody likes even to see your ugly face now.
• You never take me out till I force you, and that has to be after a BIG fight too.
• Act and behave like a real he-man (not like a lady).
• What is the difference between you and your Mother – you are both cheap easy going stuff – like Mother like daughter.
• Like Father Like son, you are both number one crooks and not to be trusted.
• You are a great actress, as if butter will not melt on your mouth.
• If I had married XYZ, where would I be today!
• Your mother (or father, brother, sister etc) again wants favours from me!
• Your drunkard alcoholic uncle (or whatever) took some more money from me today to buy more drinks, drugs etc. He wanted 20 Rials, I gave him 5 only.
• The children are crazy etc. because they take it from you and your family side.
• Your parents (or children) think you are an angel, they do not know about ….. (Secret only you two know)!
• There again your Freeloader relative has come to the house uninvited!
• Who invited them for dinner, they just drop in like it is a Free Soup Serving Place!
• Next time your relatives break (spoil) anything, I shall ask them to pay!
• No, I have a headache (just do not want or feel like it).
• Worse still – I shall find it outside, if you keep saying No!
• Your mouth (or body) smells awful.
• I don’t have any money (why should I help you?)
• Your family is coming for dinner, you better take them out (or order) dinner. I am not cooking anything for them, they always find faults in my cooking (never appreciate).
• My first (wife or husband) was a real person (man), not like you …!
• Worse still – I do not like the way you are doing this to me …! (It does give a connotation of comparing!)
• One of these days I shall pack my bags and just disappear (or something else that you will do)!
• Why don’t you drop dead, so at least there is peace in the house.
• Go and -the F word – yourself.
• For heavens sake do not involve the children in this!
• I feel like leaving this marriage now for good, I am really tired – cannot take this anymore!
• So many other hurtful, painful words once said cannot be withdrawn! Sow so shall you reap, it has been said so many times – but who listens? Or what goes around, comes around – for that matter too!

So next time you have a fight, do not let that evilness and ugliness that is within us all tell you or dictate you what to say. Or don’t open your mouth and say what you are thinking – for Heavens sake! Once said it cannot be taken back or be withdrawn. The Americans and Brits say count to 10 first. I say count to 20 at least!

……. End ……